Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
