it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
