Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
