she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
