handjob tips. give me some.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
