Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
