I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
