Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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