Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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