Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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