I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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