ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
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