Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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