i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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