She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
