home. puking in laundry basket.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
