Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
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Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
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I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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