Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
