I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
