Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
