actually, I'm a sock model
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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