wakey wakey hands off snakey
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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