you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
