Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
