just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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