unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
