I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
