All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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