party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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