She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
