I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
