Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
