last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
