New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
