I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Randomize
