I'm drive I can fine osifer
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
