I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My feet surprised me
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