And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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