She said her name was "party"
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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