When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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