actually, I'm a sock model
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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