you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
