Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
