Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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