sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
