Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
