It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
