I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
