Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
