Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
