he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
