who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
