well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
