brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
