so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
