she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
