In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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