Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You need Xanax blowdarts
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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