i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
