So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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