i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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