pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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